Losing Someone You Love to Suicide: Finding help and support from others who know your pain.

My colleague and fellow therapist, Brandy Lidbeck, LMFT, has recently created "The Gift of Second," an online community for people whose lives have been affected by suicide.  "The Gift of Second" offers support and encouragement through blog and video entries by others who have also been devastated by suicide and learned to continue living themselves.

Visit "The Gift of Second" for more information on suicide recovery.

Conflict: Don't measure by it, and don't run away from it

 I'm frequently surprised by how many couples measure the success and/or failure of their relationship merely on the presence of conflict.  In reality, conflict-avoidance is usually more of a detriment to relationships than the original conflict itself, and it's not possible to have a healthy, intimate relationship without it.

Dr. Sue Johnson, primary developer of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), said/tweeted it best today, "When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause.It is decreasing affection & emotional responsiveness."

Another updated webpage

I've taken a break from posting here the past couple months so I could focus my energy on updating my webpage.  My hope is it will be more user-friendly, especially for mobile users.


Please visit the updated counseling website for my therapy practice here: Bob Parkins, LMFT

New posts about counseling and relationships are on their way!

"Shrink on the Couch" (David Wever & Bob Parkins)

I had the honor this week to be one of the first guests on a new show called, "Shrink on the Couch" with David Wever, LMFT.  Shrink on the Couch is a new format that introduces clients to therapists in a way I haven't seen before.  In each episode, we (the featured "shrink") share our personal struggles and vulnerabilities in a way we're not usually able to share with clients in their counseling sessions.  I think clients will be surprised by what they hear about us personally, and how much we really DO care about them.

In my episode I discuss how being a therapist can be a very isolating experience.  Check it out here: "Shrink on the Couch."

How to Raise Spoiled Kids

Today I "retweeted" an article about permissive parenting, which got me thinking... What if our goal is to actually raise a bratty, spoiled kid?  What are some simple steps parents can take to increase the odds of raising a little narcissist?

I've compiled a top-ten list of tips to raise a spoiled child.

10 Ways to Raise a Spoiled Child

1. Making Your Child the Center of the World

2. Ignoring Positive Behavior

3. Accidentally Rewarding Negative Behavior

4. Failing to put Clear Limits on Your Child’s Behavior

5. Not Enforcing Rules Consistently

6. Picking Fights You Can’t Win

7. Not Holding Your Child Accountable

8. Giving Your Child Gifts for the Wrong Reasons

9. Giving in to Temper Tantrums

10. Acting Like a Spoiled Child Yourself 

 

Further information about about spoiling your child, as well as reversing the damage, can be found HERE.

What's the biggest threat to your marriage?

Psychologist and Christian counseling pioneer, Dr. James Dobson, sent out a Tweet today that got me thinking.  The root to this threat has got to start with complacency.  Add to this time and you have the greatest threat to your marriage.

Infidelity: why people cheat

Therapist Esther Perel examines why people cheat, and why affairs are so traumatic.

The title of this video by Esther Perel caught my eye: "Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever love." Jumping to conclusions, I thought this must be some crazy post-modern philosophy arguing for why affairs are healthy, and encouraging people to try them.  The provocative title really worked, because I watched the entire video.  

 

I was pleased to discover my assumptions about Perel's TED talk couldn't have been more wrong, in fact she has some helpful perspectives about why people have cheat.  A primary theme that resonated  was the way she works with couples to examine the deeper meanings behind the affair, beyond the pain of the betrayal, and what it REALLY says about the hearts of each partner. She artfully articulates a position I've always held with couples I've worked with, not justifying the affair, but since it already happened - using the opportunity it provides to focus on the previously unaddressed broken areas in the marriage, and develop new, deeper, more secure/mature levels of intimacy. 

 

(TED2015, Filmed March 2015)